A boy!

We are having another BOY! insert all blue love hearts possible.


We are over the moon excited as you can imagine and I can’t wait to meet this little guy! insert more blue love hearts emoticons here.

I didn’t have a strong preference nor gut feeling, although, I admit I was getting excited to the idea of a baby girl.

Let’s get a little bit serious, shall we? Story time!

At the beginning of the pregnancy, I had mixed emotions on my geneder preference, even if in reality, I would accept a boy or girl.

Having a girl would mean we have one of each. Question is, will they be friends? Will they get along?

Then I get this pang  of sadness, I wish I could ask my mum how I was as a baby, as a toddler, as school age girl, as a teenager.  Alas, my questions will remain unanswered.

I was a goody-two-shoes kind of teen. I aimed to please my parents and didn’t do anything to make them upset. I grew up too quickly and worried about life too early. I aimed to please my mum the most and did everything in my power to make her proud, happy and content. To me, she was my light and everything. I did everything for her, even agreed to moved to a different country to make sure my entire family has got a chance of a better life. All I wanted was for her was to be happy. Always. But what if my potential daughter hates me and be the complete opposite of me?

Then I look at my relationship with my brother. It’s not perfect but we’re there for each other. We will do anything for each other no matter what. But what if I have a boy and girl and they hate each other and don’t ever want to help each other?

Then I started imagining having 2 boys and the same worries hit me. What if they don’t like each other? hate each other?

And then, reality hits, no matter what I am having, I can’t predict the relationship they are  going to have. I can only teach them how to love, tolerate and respect each other.

End of Story time.

I have so many worries just like any parent but I know that we can only guide and teach our children to be in the path we want them to be, have the values we want them to have, create the life we imagined them to live just as much and the rest is all on them. You can’t control everything.

I do have a list of things that I’d like to tackle differently than how my parents did and hope for the best. We all have the ideas of how to be a better parent than our own and pretty sure our children will have the same ideas when it’s their turn. The key word is “better”, means it’s a win win. It’s a positive change.

Some people say we are our parents but in all honesty,  I don’t think we are. We are our own kind of parents. We just know their habits that we grew up with and subconsciously finding ourselves following them. Most are good and some are bad. Changing the bad habits means you care so much that you didn’t want to commit the same “mistakes” as your parents did. Mistakes and how we define them are subjective. Some are clear mistakes, ie, abuse, negligence, etc. And some are “choices” that our parents made that were deemed right for the family at that time. We don’t know how hard parenting is when we’re young. Not me at least.

Parenting in general is really hard. Making sure you’re on the same page as your partner is even harder. It’s no easy feat. And no one is perfect. We can only aim to be good if not better.

End of serious talk.

What a serious post! LOL

So..a penis is growing inside me. For those SATC fans, you know who said this.

I am having a boy and I remain the Queen of my household!

Hope you’re having a lovely Friday! xx


“no I don’t want to”

We’ve established that I live with a Threenager. We’ve also established that the struggle is real and for all of us parents with three year olds, we all know that our patience is the ultimate measuring device on how much wine you can drink far your child can push the boundaries. Often times they are right there on the edge.

My threenager’s mood is deeply affected by his day at daycare or food or the clothes he’s wearing or screen time or time at the park or all of the above (all at once).

The opinions that comes out of his tiny mouth are unbelievably witty, the boy got some things to say.

Recently, a phrase is getting a lot of air time in our household, to a point that a body language (including the lower lip pout) is manifested each time the said phrase is spoken.

“No I Don’t Want to!”

The first few times you find it cute.

Oh look at you Little Mr Defiant. Too cute, but I want you to pack away those toys please.

“No! I don’t want to!”

Oh come on now darling, we need to pack away so we can go to the park.

“No! I don’t want to!”

Come on I’ll help you? 

“No! I don’t want to!”

Do you want to race and see who’s faster in packing away? (I let him win this game all the time, just saying)

“No! I don’t want to”

And then his cool is outta window!

I don’t pack away just because he loses the plot. I wait until he’s done crying and all calm (or almost calm) then ask again what I initially wanted him to do. Sometimes this lasts for 2 hours. True story. But I don’t care, I don’t budge. I also stopped making excuses like “oh he’s just tired” or “he’s a had a bad day” because in reality he’s just being a little turd.

When this happens, the turdness, profanities will start sitting just at the tip of my tongue, but I refuse to get down his shitty level. I am better than this. I am the parent. If I lose my cool then I already lost. Mantra to myself.

Disclaimer: I do lose my cool occasionally,  I am not perfect.

Threats of potential sentence to time out corner are given as a first warning. Then if all fails, I start counting and boy when I count one to five backwards, I mean business and he knows it.

In all honesty, 3 out of 5 times, the little boy will get up and do what was asked of him, happily. I just have to be a broken record. Sometimes he thinks that it’s funny to annoy me, like it’s a game of “how far can I actually push her this time before she starts counting backwards”.

The struggle is real.

And even more when you’re in public. I learned this new phrase from a dear friend, she once told me about Dignity Graveyard. It’s a place where your dignity goes 6 feet under and the very grave is dug by your threenager. The judging eyes of other parents are the dirt that goes in your grave and this can be any public place where parents and children are seen together, like the park or a restaurant or public transport or parents room, the shops, everywhere.

I’ve had my fair share of dignity graveyard and it is not fun while in the moment. However, it’s hilarious after 10 years few days.

I have no real advice because your little turd of a threenager is different than mine. But I’d like to let you know that you are not alone.

Just remember, when all the shitty moods are gone, we are always left with the sweetest little creatures. At least mine is. Hugs and kisses galore and apologises for being a turd. And then tomorrow, we will do it all over again.

For all the single parents, my hat is off to you!!

How does it feel to be pregnant again?

A common question I get from people is How does it feel to be pregnant again?  Which is then followed by Is it any different with your first pregnancy? 

Yes, each of my pregnancies are different from each other. 

My first pregnancy was a dream. Less to no symptoms. I was naive and didn’t know much of the aches and pains that a pregnancy brings but I welcomed them with open arms and such enthusiasm. I was grateful for every pain, every stretch marks and the exhaustion? They were reminders that I am going through something magical. I thought I was a walking miracle and it felt so good knowing a tiny human is growing in me. I was my biology class in action!

My second pregnancy was a surprise but sadly it was over before I can even appreciate the “real” symptoms even though my body refused to miscarry on its own. I didn’t enjoy any bit in that pregnancy to say the least.

Now, my third pregnancy and hopefully my second baby that I get to meet, cuddle, raise, the works. This one is so different. I am grateful for the chance to experience it again but it is soooooo different.  I can only describe this like so…..

Dear readers, I need you to turn on your imagination…..

Imagine a drill sargent or maybe a basket ball coach trying to gather its troops/team and by troops/team I mean your organs, hormones, emotions, weight, body parts, etc.


Loud siren continues to wake the whole body up.

Drill Sargent blows his whistle, “ALL RIGHT, LISTEN UP, THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL. A conception has taken place and HQ wants everyone to know their new job assignments. I don’t want to hear any complaints. What HQ decides, we do. Now, wait for further instructions. Dismissed!”

*Mummy pees in cup and dipped her last remaining digital test in it. Waiting, Waiting, Waiting. POSTIVE! Mummy is now in shock*

Drill Sargent blows his whistle again with so much gusto this time, “ALL RIGHT, LISTEN UP!! MUMMY NOW KNOWS SHE’S PREGNANT. WE ARE OFFICIALLY IN BUSINESS! WHEN I CALL YOUR NAME, LISTEN CLOSELY AND LISTEN WELL….. GAS PAIN, your job is done. Mummy got the message. Take a rest and wait for further instructions. BLOAT, LET’S START WITH YOU!”

Drill Sargent: Bloat, I need you to be front runner and go big. The bigger you go the happier HQ will be. I repeat go big! And don’t even take a break until Mummy is past 12 week! If you can, make sure Mummy looks about 6months pregnant now, that’s the goal!

Bloat: Aye, Aye, Sir.

Drill Sargent: Uterus, you’re up!

Uterus: Yes, sir, yes!

Drill Sargent: All right uterus, you’re the star. Make sure the house is ready for our guest. Once you receive the package, make sure it has plenty of space. Remember your last position when the giant baby was inside you? Start with that size! Don’t go stingy on space. Go big. Mummy makes giant babies so please adjust your real estate fast.

Uterus: Aye, Aye, Sir

Drill Sargent: Next up, Cervix and Vagina! CERVIX, close up and go high. If you feel something poking you, release some pink pigment. You are closed for now.  Close your doors and lock it. I’ll let you know when is your grand re-opening. And you VAGINA, go dry up for now. OK, that’s all I’ve got for you two.

Vagina and Cervix: Aye, Aye, Sir!

Drill Sargent: BOOBS you’re up. You need to be sore and take it a notch higher. No one can touch you, not even a bra. You need to go big as well. Remember your last size during the giant baby time, start with that and grow more.

Boobs: Should I be itchy too?

Drill Sargent checks the list, “Yes be itchy but also on fire when you get itched by Mummy”

Drill Sargent: Nose, Back, Hips! All of you… we need you to go WIDE.

Nose: As wide as before when Giant Baby was here?

Drill Sargent: Yes, wider and increase your senses. You will help Nausea and Morning Sickness.

Back: But Sir, I never went back to how I was after Giant Baby, should I still go WIDE?

Drill Sargent: YES! And ache sometimes. No more questions.

Hips: Widening now as we speak sir.

Drill Sargent: Good job hips. I want Mummy to wobble as early as possible. Suits her right for not exercising. And oh Vagina, you will start feeling like you’ve been punched.

Drill Sargent: Stretchmarks! I want you to hide for a bit. You’re not needed. I don’t want you anywhere close any skin at the moment. Go dark.

Drill Sargent:  Last one for now, where are NAUSEA and MORNING SICKNESS? 

Nausea and Morning Sickness: We are here sir!

Drill Sargent: You twins are going big stars! HQ wants you to go crazy. Be creative. Linger all day if you want or even while Mummy is asleep. If you don’t want anything she ate or drank, push them back where they came from. Make sure Mummy can’t do much. Go wild. She’ll probably take some medication but ignore it. Go BIG! It’s your time to shine. Don’t stop until I tell you so. Do you copy? A lot of the key players are going to help you achieve your goals, like Nose, he knows what to do.

Nausea and Morning Sickness: Yes sir!

Drill Sargent: Wait, wait, I have one more in my list…. Where are HORMONES?!

Hormones: We are here sir!

Drill Sargent: Please work hand in hand with Nausea and Morning Sickness. Populate like no other. I want crying for no reason. I want mood swings through the roof. I want extreme happiness and then anger. We are getting some reinforcements to help our buddy progesterone but the rest of you multiply like no other, except you Libido, you’ve done enough. Go dark now.

Drill Sargent: All right, that’s all the assignments I have for now, I’ll be back in 3 months time for more assignments. Make me proud! DISMISSED!

And folks that’s how different this pregnancy is and we are only past the first trimester.

But I am savouring every single twinge, aches, pains…. to be able to experience this again is just icing on my cake 🙂

I had the most fun writing this and hope you enjoyed reading.

Happy Wednesday!




I am pregnant!

Yes, you read that right, I am pregnant! After a year of trying and failing, it finally happened.


People told me that once we stopped trying then it will happen. I hated that advice with a passion. I never once thought of myself being able to not try, I know too much about my body now and my ovulation, it’s just too hard to switch off, but that’s how this new journey started. We stopped trying.

We decided to stop trying (aka for me to stop obsessing about everything) until we see a Fertility Specialist. It’s been a year and  it was time to see a specialist. I got all my paperworks, first appointment booked and a doctor’s referral. I got it all sorted and we were just waiting for the day.

I cancelled the appointment.

Story Time!

Five days before the appointment, I had a terrible gas pain. For the first time I didn’t associate it as pregnancy symptom, instead, I put it down as something I ate like a normal person would. The day carried on as normal, chasing taming a toddler, cooking, cleaning, complaining about gas pain, toddler in timeout, laundry. It was a public holiday, long weekend.

The following day was different, I still had the gas pain and I can’t seem to relieve myself with all the remedies I can think of to release the bad gas. So I decided to pee on a cheapie stick at 4am in the morning, because why not. If I can’t get rid of the bad gas, I’ll just pee on the stick.

3 minutes passed.

Picture me in the toilet holding up the cheapie pregnancy test, trying to find the best possible light/angle because I swear I can see a second line. I swear!

5 minutes passed.

Picture me in the toilet now wearing my glasses, holding up the cheapie pregnancy test, bending backward and forward, still looking for the best possible angle, because I really see a very faint second line.

Nah, it can’t be. It’s 4am and I am possibly sleep walking.

I threw the cheapie stick in the bin.

I pulled it out.

I wrapped it in toilet paper then threw it in the bin.

I pulled it out again and took it with me to bed, clutching it in my hand.

I then put it in my bedside drawer.

I went back to sleep.

Seven O’clock alarm woke up and he is screaming Mummy. I got up and first thing I checked was my drawer. Did it really happened?

I carefully opened the drawer, cautious that something will just jump at me. I saw the tissue paper, shook my head in disbelief, I opened it, blinked a few times to adjust my eyes, and there I see the second line.

And so I held my pee for 2 hours

I did another cheapie pregnancy test, in secret. The husband mustn’t know.

3 minutes passed.

I see a much darker second line.

Wait, don’t celebrate yet. Don’t even jump. What should I do?

I was confused. I was happy and scared at the same time. I was only 10DPO (days past ovulation). Why am I getting a positive test this early?

I kept the secret for one more day because I was still convinced it’s a false positive.

Sunday, I woke up at 6am with a mission.

I took my only and last digital pregnancy test from my secret stash and headed to the other toilet. Away from the husband.

I didn’t want to mess it up so I peed in a cup.

Dipped the digital test in the cup.

5 LOOOOOOONG Minutes passed

The “hourglass” was still blinking. At that point, I was feeling deflated. It shouldn’t take that long, should it?

I started filming myself and the blinking hourglass. I thought I’d document what’s happening.

And BAM!

Pregnant. 1-2 weeks.

I didn’t know what to do. I was shaking.

I sat down the toilet (lid closed).

I stood up.

Paced a little.

I was still filming. Cut the filming. Looked at the test. Sat down the toilet again.

After an hour, I woke up the husband and presented him the most unhygienic yet most wonderful gift.

End of Story time.

It was a very confusing time. I wanted to be excited but I can’t. I was emotionally cautious. I didn’t want to get hurt again and have my hopes up.

It was not until I had my first scan and saw a pebble looking blob with a strong heartbeat at 6w3d, that I realised I am indeed pregnant.

My son is inlove with the belly and my husband and whole family are just as excited as I am.

I am now 14w and counting and I can’t wait until I meet this baby. I think this time he/she is ready to be part of our family.

If you read the whole post, thank you. High Five!

Hope it’s warm and sunny where you are 🙂